The Butt-Cheek Bandit!

Authorities in Valentine, Neb., have been on the lookout since November for the vandal who has approached several storefronts at night and, apparently with Vaseline smeared over his nude body, pressed himself against windows and doors. A radio station called the person "the buttcheek bandit" (although some speculate there may also be a copycat). Asked Valentine police chief Ben McBride, "Who in their right mind would do something like that?" [Omaha World-Herald, 11-12-07]

This Is Why Kids Hate Church

Police in Mount Lebanon, Pa., said in December that no illegal acts were involved, but some parents still want to know why the nondenominational Christian Mount Lebanon Young Life club had staged a teenagers' social event during which boys wore adult diapers, bibs and bonnets and sat in girls' laps while being spoon-fed. Said youth minister O.J. Wandrisco, the skits were not "dirty," but "to break down the walls and let (the kids) have fun." A previous skit involved, according to a parent, kids eating chocolate pudding out of diapers. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 12-8-07]

PLEASE Tell Me They Will Clean The Seats

Former Adult Theater May Become Family BuffetSACRAMENTO (CBS) ― Instead of attracting naughty customers, a former adult theater in California could soon be catering to hungry patrons. With the Regency XXX Theatre now out of business, potential buyers are making offers on the property. According to the Sacramento Business Journal, the Golden Corral buffet chain would like to put a family-style restaurant here, reported CBS station KOVR-TV in Sacramento. Some neighboring property owners are applauding the possibility. "They were good neighbors, but it'll certainly be an improvement if the buffet moves in. It'd be good for (the area), and I think it would be good for our property," said Jim Streng. This neighborhood has been gradually changing over the past few years, with Starbucks, Panda Express, and Jamba Juice stores moving in. People who live in the area said they're happy to see anything more family-friendly than a porn theater. "It involves the children, and I happen to be a father myself," said Jeffrey Thomas. "It just doesn't make me feel too comfortable with something like that near so many youth." But one property owner who owns a nearby sushi establishment was not so happy about what's going on here. The Golden Corral buffet reportedly wants this property too, which would force the sushi place to move. That restaurant owner says he's heading to court to try and fight getting kicked out. Either way, the days of the Regency Cinema are done, but the Golden Corral may be facing a rocky road to Sacramento.

Just Plain Wrong . . . And Gross

Man Accused Of Soiling Laundry RoomMADISON, Wis. (AP) ―
Repeated discoveries of human feces in clothing and other items left in an apartment building's basement laundry room led to charges Thursday against a 19-year-old man.
Authorities said Ronnie A. Ballard was arrested after a woman whose laundry had been soiled chased him back to his apartment in an adjoining building.
Residents also reported finding feces in shoes and boots in an apartment hallway and in washing machines where it soiled a comforter, baby clothes and other items that had to be thrown out.
Ballard was charged with three counts of disorderly conduct, three counts of criminal damage to property and one count of bail jumping. Court records showed he also is facing charges of lewd and lascivious behavior in Waukesha and Lincoln counties.
Ballard was jailed in lieu of $1,400 bail.
(© 2008 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.)

Damn, No Little Green Men In Texas?

Texas UFO Mystery Solved?FORT WORTH (CBS) ― The mystery of the Stephenville, Texas UFOs might have been solved. The Air Force Reserve said that on the night of January 8, ten F-16 fighter jets were conducting training flights in the area. Many of the suspected UFO sightings took place on that night. Originally, the 301st Fighter Wing at the Naval Air Station Fort Worth Joint Reserve Base said none of its jets were in the area that night. In a statement today, a Wing spokesman says they made a mistake and that jets were flying in the Stephenville area that evening, reported CBS station KTVT-TV in Dallas.The Air Force no longer investigates UFOs. About 200 UFO sightings are reported each month, mostly in California, Colorado and Texas, according to the Mutual UFO Network, which plans to go to the 17,000-resident town of Stephenville to investigate. Fourteen percent of Americans polled last year by The Associated Press and Ipsos say they have seen a UFO. UFO sightings have been reported all over the world for centuries, including the infamous 1897 crash of a cigar-shaped object near the tiny Texas town of Aurora. While some thought it was a hoax, decades later investigators from UFO groups said evidence suggests the disfigured pilot's body buried that day was an alien. In Chicago in late 2006, some United Airlines pilots and other employees reported seeing a saucer-shaped craft hovering over O'Hare Airport before shooting up through the clouds. But federal officials said nothing showed up on the radar and explained it as some type of weather phenomenon. In 1997, dozens of people saw lights in a V-formation over Phoenix, a mystery that was captured on videotape and spurred calls for a government investigation. A few months later people reported a similar sight over Las Vegas. One of the most famous cases was the 1947 crash on a ranch near Roswell, N.M. Although the government said it was a top-secret weather balloon, an Army officer who helped recover the debris came forward 30 years later claiming a cover-up, asserting that an alien spacecraft had crashed. Reports later surfaced that a base nurse told someone that autopsies were performed on aliens from the wreckage.

Now I am Hungry

The biggest cheeseburger in the world?

A California restaurant lays claim to one of the largest cheeseburgers ever.
The burger weighs 222 pounds in all. The toppings include 480 slices of cheese, 40 pounds of tomatoes, and 19 heads of lettuce.
The cost of the giant burger is unknown, but hungry customers were given pieces for free.


They forgot the special sauce and pickles tho!

What a Scam

I have come to the inevitable conclusion that the healthcare industry is such a scam. A person can spend almost 18 hours in an ER with symptoms that would alarm any normal human being, and a doctor says "we don't know what's wrong -- go home". I am so angry, I am gonna either cry or spazz out. Not sure which.

Suffering From Football - Am I Alone?

Last night like a lot of football fans, the man in my life was watching Green Bay lose to NY. Am I the only person who hid in the other room to avoid watching this? Am I the only person who did not take part in lunch time re-hashing of bungled plays? Am I the only person who does not understand just how great it was that whoever beat someone else's record for a something or other? I wonder if this is how men feel when women discuss soap operas or some other trite stuff.

Poster Wisdom

Today I decided that people who use slogans found on posters in their daily lives should really be locked away. Just a random thought.

Happy 50th Smurf-Day!

Well, the little blue fellas are now officially old. They have joined the ranks of Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Betty Boop as cartoons over the half century mark in age. I remember curling up with a bowl of sugar smacks and a bag of doritos and watching these guys on weekends. They were so cool -- come on, they were BLUE! Anyways, for those of you past or present smurf fans, read on.

BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) ― The Smurfs - led by Papa Smurf and Smurfette - kicked off a year of 50th birthday celebrations Monday with Smurfberry cake and sasparilla juice. The late cartoonist Pierre Culliford - best known by his pen name, "Peyo" - first introduced the tiny blue figures in a comic strip in October 1958. He called them Schtroumpf; they became known worldwide as the Smurfs. The Smurfs, forest dwellers who live in little white-capped mushroom homes, developed their own "Smurf" language in which nouns and verbs were interchanged. Their debut on U.S. television in 1981 launched their global rise to stardom and made the Smurfs a household name. A Smurf is a Pitufo in Spanish, a Schlumpf in German, Nam Ching Ling to the Chinese, a Sumafa in Japan and Dardassim in Hebrew. "I think that if he could see all that has been done with his characters since his death and the success and interest that the Smurfs still attract, he would be very, very, very, very happy and very proud," said Peyo's son, Thierry Culliford. To mark 50 years of Smurfdom, organizers are planning everything from a 3-D animation feature film expected to be released next year to new comic book collections and a remastered release of the popular 1980s television animated series, Peyo's family said. Peyo's widow and two children will help kick off a European birthday tour in Brussels. The Smurfs celebration will continue in Paris and Berlin. The Smurfs also will team up with the UNICEF to promote children's rights and education worldwide, said Yves Willemont of UNICEF Belgium. "The Smurfs and UNICEF have a lot of values in common - values about joy, happiness and respect," Willemont said. "We also have in common the fact that we are dedicated to the cause of children and to the promotion of every child and the right of every child to survive." UNICEF and the Smurfs joined forces two years ago to raise the plight of ex-child soldiers in Africa. Born in Brussels, Peyo worked as a movie projectionist before entering the world of comic strip drawing. The Smurfs appeared as a supporting cast of characters in Peyo's 1958 "Johan and Pirlouit" cartoon, which was set in the Middle Ages. The Smurfs quickly grew in popularity and by 1960, the Smurfs had their own comic strip series and. With the help of the Hanna-Barbera Productions, the Smurfs became an animated cartoon in 1981. Thierry Culliford said the Smurfs promote love and friendship. He said many who grew up watching the Smurfs on TV during the 1980s and 1990s now are parents and want to introduce the Smurfs to their children. Demand for Smurf stories continues, said Hendrik Coysman, managing director of IMPS, which controls the rights of the Smurf brand worldwide. "Thousands of fans are asking for more stories and these will be based of course on the fantastic asset that Peyo has left us," Coysman said. Peyo, who died 15 years ago, "would be very happy if he were here today" to see Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Handy, Jokey and the troop of 96 others celebrate 50 years of Smurfmania, daughter Veronique Culliford said.
(© 2008 The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.)

Family Traits

I have had occasion as of late to consider the true personality traits of those that we admire, detest, or simply put up with. What has made me put fingers to keyboard on this subject is the following question - Where do we get out traits from??

Do I get my absolute anality from my mother? My lack of financial aptitude from my aunt? My strict attention to hospital corners from my cousin? What about the criminal element in my family? Have they somehow influenced me as well???

I don't pretend to be an expert on things, oh hell - I am no expert on anything. However I do think that I have come up with one nugget of truth. I firmly believe that EVERY family, regardless of country derived from, school metriculated from, or level on the poverty line will contain at least one anal person, one financial screw up, one neat freak, and one criminal.

I said this to a friend of mine and he promptly said "what about those that have no family" Well, I guess you have to work then on being all those things at once, which should make work interesting.

Snow in Iraq? Does That Mean The World Is Ending?

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) -- After weathering nearly five years of war, Baghdad residents thought they'd pretty much seen it all. But Friday morning, as muezzins were calling the faithful to prayer, the people here awoke to something certifiably new. For the first time in memory, snow fell across Baghdad.
Although the white flakes quickly dissolved into gray puddles, they brought an emotion rarely expressed in this desert capital snarled by army checkpoints, divided by concrete walls and ravaged by sectarian killings -- delight.
"For the first time in my life I saw a snow-rain like this falling in Baghdad," said Mohammed Abdul-Hussein, a 63-year-old retiree from the New Baghdad area.
"When I was young, I heard from my father that such rain had fallen in the early '40s on the outskirts of northern Baghdad," Abdul-Hussein said, referring to snow as a type of rain. "But snow falling in Baghdad in such a magnificent scene was beyond my imagination."
Morning temperatures uncharacteristically hovered around freezing, and the Baghdad airport was closed because of poor visibility. Snow is common in the mountainous Kurdish areas of northern Iraq, but residents of the capital and surrounding areas could remember just hail.
"I asked my mother, who is 80, whether she'd ever seen snow in Iraq before, and her answer was no," said Fawzi Karim, a 40-year-old father of five who runs a small restaurant in Hawr Rajab, a village six miles southeast of Baghdad.
"This is so unusual, and I don't know whether or not it's a lesson from God," Karim said.
Some said they'd seen snow only in movies.
Talib Haider, a 19-year-old college student, said "a friend of mine called me at 8 a.m. to wake me up and tell me that the sky is raining snow."
"I rushed quickly to the balcony to see a very beautiful scene," he said. "I tried to film it with my cell phone camera. This scene has really brought me joy. I called my other friends and the morning turned to be a very happy one in my life."
An Iraqi who works for The Associated Press said he woke his wife and children shortly after 7 a.m. to "have a look at this strange thing." He then called his brother and sister and found them awake, also watching the "cotton-like snow drops covering the trees."
For a couple of hours anyway, a city where mortar shells routinely zoom across to the Green Zone became united as one big White Zone. As of late afternoon, there were no reports of violence. The snow showed no favoritism as it fell faintly on neighborhoods Shiite and Sunni alike, and (with apologies to James Joyce) upon all the living and the dead.

"Priest" Caught with Cocaine

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands — A man claiming to be a Catholic priest was arrested Friday at Amsterdam 's Schiphol Airport after he was caught carrying 7.7 pounds of cocaine under his robes, a spokesman for Dutch border police said.
The suspect, whose identity was being traced, initially refused to undergo a routine body check "for religious reasons," spokesman Robert van Kapel said.
He said the man was then spotted lining up at a different entrance gate. He was searched and the drugs were found in packages taped to his body.
"We've seen a lot of things, baseballs filled with cocaine, wine bottles, plaster casts, but this is a first," Van Kapel said.
He said the man, who was traveling from Bolivia, continued to insist he is a priest and did not confess any wrongdoing, arguing his rights had been violated by the search.
Van Kapel said that was bunk.
"If you want to enter (Europe) you have to pass a security check, you have to cooperate and you can't refuse a body search," he said. "He'll be brought before a judge today."

EWWWW

Twins separated at birth have married each other without realizing they were brother and sister, it has been revealed.
The British couple's marriage has now been annulled by the High Court after judges ruled the marriage had never validly existed.
The identities of the brother and sister and details of how they fell in love and married are being kept secret. Soon after they were born they were separated and adopted by different families.
Neither was told they had a twin and had no idea they were blood relatives until after their wedding.
Professor Lord Alton uncovered the case when a High Court judge told him of a hearing he had dealt with.